Loner

I sat in sacrament meeting today with no desire to stay.  I felt the loneliness today... the impact of being in a family ward and being single.  I found myself daydreaming during one of the talks about how I would much rather be in class right then.  How I enjoy school more; I think because I don't feel so lonely around a bunch of people that are also by themselves.  I enjoyed being a part of singles ward because everyone else in the ward came to church by themselves just like me.  This family ward thing has been a good change for  my kids.  I've seen a lot of positive things in my children with being there.  Over the summer it was easier because Thomas and Josh attended my family ward.  They were "loners" like me.  I would sit with them during class.  Now I just sit alone... depressing.  Each week I'm reminded of what I don't have... what I could have had... what I should have.  This doesn't affect my testimony or change how I feel about doing what is right.  I know where I'm supposed to be on Sunday so I'll be there.  It's a coin toss of whether or not each week will be enjoyable.  Today it wasn't.