A Perfect And Fragile Heart

My cousin has one of the biggest hearts known to man.  I mean that in the sense that he would do anything for anyone.  He loves bigger than most and has a compassion that many of us could only dream of achieving.  He's forgiving, kind, charitable, passionate, sacrificing, and extremely positive.  I wish I had half the spirit that he has.  His spirit is so amazing that his big heart just can't seem to keep up.

Casey has had 16 heart surgeries and tomorrow morning he is scheduled for number 17.  I talked with him on the phone tonight (he's in a hospital in Seattle) and found out that since his last surgery (a couple weeks ago), recovery hasn't gone as planned.  He now has a serious infection running through his entire body, including his weak heart.  The plan for surgery tomorrow is to take three of the four wires of the pacemaker out of his heart, have him function on one wire, and wait out the infection by treating him with antibiotics (2-4 weeks).  After the infection is gone, they go back in and put in a new pacemaker on the other side of his heart and pray for success.  While recovering, he will stay in the hospital and will also be placed on the heart transplant list.  The risks surrounding Casey have me pretty concerned.

Speaking to Casey tonight brought tears to my eyes.  His quiet whisper as he answered tore at my emotions.  He sounded so exhausted.  Shooting the breeze for a little bit brought light to my soul.  We cracked a few jokes and chuckled a few times.  Man, I love to hear him laugh.  He has such a pure laughter that can bring a smile to the saddest of faces.  He gave me the good news along with the bad... and then we continued to make light of the bad news.  At the end of our conversation, we exchanged I love you's and said good-bye.  

I hung up the phone and relinquished control over the tear ducts in my eyes.  Kneeling at my bedside, I began to sob to Heavenly Father, praying for more time in Casey's behalf.  He is a husband and a father to three beautiful little girls.  He is a son, a brother, an uncle, grandson, cousin, nephew, and treasured friend.  He is just the type of spirit the Lord wants and needs on the other side, but please Lord, please let him stay.  

Life is so fragile.  Truly, in one moment, it can be gone.  This life isn't worth wasting time on bitterness, anger, hatred, and carelessness.  I wonder why it takes the idea of losing life to re-open our eyes to such simple realizations.  Casey has taught me that a heart can give so much, even when it is weak.  "Just imagine," I say to myself, "Imagine what a strong heart (your heart) is capable of if it were fully dedicated to the purposes of its design... Love."